I am literally a ridiculous basket case when I start to think of you. I can see a little blonde boy in Target…or playing in the street…or on Pinterest for crying out loud, and I melt and my eyes often get teary. At the same time, this giant fear bubble wells up in my chest, and I wonder how on earth I am going to bring you into this world. I’m terrified of the world. How will you be okay in it?!
Today, I saw a picture of a little blonde boy while perusing through my blog reader. I stopped and looked at the photo, and I swear you’re going to look a lot like the boy in the picture. Something in my heart twinged, and I started crying. Some days, I fear you more than anything else on the planet, and other days, I am so filled up with anticipation and can’t wait to meet you and take a billion pictures of you. I’m not sure how that works.
Today is one of those days that I feel more anticipation than fear. And although your Dad and I are ever so far away from having you, I wanted to write you a letter…mostly because I never have before, and I’m afraid I’ll forget some of these feelings and things I want to tell you.
Um…hi. I’m Caitlin. I’m your Mom. (*shriek*) I am currently 23, head over heels for your super attractive Dad, and obsessed with our dog Jack. My favorite things in the world are Jesus, family, pizza, and pancakes. I hope they are your favorite things too. Your Dad is cool. He likes to watch movies and keep up with politics. I like to watch movies and pretend politics don’t exist. We live in a little white house with a red door right now. Sometimes we talk about you. I’m pretty sure I know your name, but I can’t say it here yet because it’s so cute that I know people will steal it. ;) Your dad hopes you’ll be a football fan, and I hope you’ll be a basketball player. I’ve already decided I’m going to take you to the zoo weekly, if not daily, and you will love animals as much as I do. And hopefully pictures. You’ll probably think the camera is a member of our family. (And you’ll be right.) You’ll grow up in church, and I hope you’ll never stray. You will, God help me, be the most polite little “yes sir, yes ma’am” boy in your generation. We’re going to have awesome Christmas celebrations, and you will feel like the most important person in the world on your birthdays. I hope you turn out just like your Daddy minus the interest in politics, and I hope you have just a hint of my sarcasm. Most importantly…I hope you have the stark appreciation of food that your Dad and I have. ;)
I’m not sure when you’re coming, but I know you will be an adventure.
I love you, baby boy. Today, I can’t wait to meet you. Tomorrow, I’ll have an anxiety attack and swear off another few years before agreeing to have you.