Note that these are all in good, sarcastic fun, and I do not need therapy. Probably.
1. Trying New Foods with Slimy Consistencies.
This may seem crazy to the majority of you, but I have a weird issue with slimy (or squishy) foods. I don’t like fish, pasta, or eggs. My apologies. I realize I may have just lost a third of my followers. YES. I know this is weird. Just know that I blame my taste buds, because I have tried most of these foods that I have an aversion to. These days though? It’s rare that I will try a new food if it looks suspicious. I’m a giant baby. Speaking of babies…
One night, I literally stayed up until 4 in the morning clutching my stomach and googling the miracle of birth. And by the miracle of birth, I mean the horror stories of birth. NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING. Who knew there could be so many scary stories and crazy women who decided to post them to frighten the innocent not-yet-mothers?! I realize millions and billions of women have gone through it and survived and it’s God’s design, but I am still quite terrified. And when they arrive, you can’t ever take your eyes off of them right? What if they stop breathing? What if they are sleeping the wrong way? What if they come out and look like a potato!? I’m really not a worrier, but fear creeps in when I think of having children. Speaking of having children…
3. Having Children.
Aside from birthing children, having children terrifies me perhaps even more. I fear the toddler tantrums at Target. I fear the first time they fall and scrape their knee and look to me to fix it. I fear the birds and the bees discussions. I fear the filth, sorrow, and evil that the world surrounds us with no matter where we go. I fear not being able to be with them every single second of every single day to protect them from things that are beyond my control. I fear teenager-ness. I fear them hating me when I tell them TV will rot their brains and hearts. I fear getting old. Speaking of getting old…
4. Getting Old.
So scared of getting older…I’m only good at being young. PREACH, John Mayer. I fear growing up, getting old, and not having enough time to do everything I want to do on this planet. I fear losing family and friends. I fear waking up one day and wondering how my children are suddenly old and I am suddenly losing my vision and waistline.
5. Phone Calls.
I’m not an introvert, but I’m not an extrovert either. Surely there is a mix between the two, right? Whatever that’s called, that’s what I am. I would rather travel 100 miles to speak to someone in person than have to talk to them on the phone. Ironically, I’m quite skilled at phone conversation. It just makes me want to curl up in an awkward ball and rock back and forth hugging my knees.
6. Being Clobbered by the Person in the Adjacent Lane.
Once upon a time, Kristi Belle and I were driving home from a wedding. As we were chatting away, the car in the lane next to me started to change lanes, forcing me to slam on my brakes and go up on the curb to the right. It scared the living daylights out of me, and I automatically have bad reactions to driving next to people now. It’s pretty annoying actually, because this fear is mostly irrational and unstoppable. It’s a reflex now. If someone else is driving and I think the person in the next lane is coming over, I have to hide my face in my hands. So thanks, random ill-mannered driver that was passing Little Caesar’s too quickly that night.
7. Frogs and Lizards.
If you have known me for longer than a week, you probably know that I love animals. Playing the game Zoo Tycoon used to be a daily fixture in my life (and if it were available on Mac for cheap, it probably still would be). I adore the zoo, and I just hope and pray that my little house in Heaven is full of dolphins and horses and tigers and whales and dogs. On the other hand, I hope there are no frogs or lizards in Heaven. They are slimy and move too rapidly for my taste. I can’t get past it. I’m fine with snakes, but nothing that hops and scurries quickly is okay in my book. I do enjoy looking at them and taking pictures when they are trapped behind glass, but if they’re out in the open… I’m on top of a chair waiting for them to leave.
Here’s a nice reminder. ;) “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9-
What are you afraid of? ;-P